Friday, April 01, 2005

Love, Hate and the Balance between the two

Woah, Woman, oh woman, don't treat me so mean
You're the meanest old woman that I've ever seen
I guess if you said so
I'd have to pack my things and go (That's right)

(Hit the road, Jack and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more)
(Hit the road, Jack and don't you come back no more)
What you say?
(Hit the road, Jack and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more)
(Hit the road, Jack and don't you come back no more)

Don't know why that song creeped up into my head today for some reason. Probably due to the latest email from Ticketek offering a discount on The Brother Ray The Concert.

But it's a good song, is it not. So catchy, yet so topical.

You know I spent all night agonizing about this blog I was going to write. I wake up I think of what I'll write, I brush my teeth I think what I'll write, I watch Dr Phil I think what I'll write.

Isn't Dr Phil the most dreadful show in existence?! I can see how someone can slip into a permanent vegatative state just from watching this one day time programme. I can totally see how one would get depression from this TV gem.

Depression is so bullshit though. I was going to write this big blog about how I'm depressed and nobody loves me and the people I hit on don't like me and the people I don't like hit on me and how it's all so cruel and full of unhappy vibes. *big breath* And how I was looking forward to Friday because it's my day off and I was going to dress up all pretty and go out to town and have some drinks and enjoy the company of good friends but now that I think of it my good friends are not all that great and I kinda had a fight with all of them and I might as well stay in bed and drink Tequila all day. *big breath* (note the deliberate absence of commas).
But then I thought: "Geez, woman, harden up!"

You know what I love? My iPod. I haven't listened to it (ie any music) for about four days and I slipped into this caustic, trouble causing, self deprecating, trouble maker. And the minute that Ray Charles song popped into my head and I googled for it, the .wav made me all chirpy again. Psychiatrists shouldn't prescribe Prozac or Aropac, they should prescribe a dose of Get the fuck out of the house and a dash of Listen to some happy tunes. There, aren't you all better now.

You know what I hate? That boys and girls can't really be friends. It is my expert opinion that unless one of the friends to be is in a relationship or gay, no simple fun friendship can come of it. Why? well I think it's because if you enjoy spending time with someone and have conversations with them, then the first thing you're going to think about is that you're attracted to them. Or they will think it towards you. Now there are two options - both of you think that, resulting in a bf/gf situation. Or only one of you thinks that and the other is the rejector (I can just see Thor saying Replicators here for some reason) then instantly the friendship isn't simple nor fun. If you were the rejectee, and the other person still wants to "hang", then you always think about how one day they might change their mind. If you were the reject0r, then you're always thinking "are they hanging out with me because they're hoping I will change my mind one day". Strain! Torsional Strain! Angular Strain! 1,3-Diaxial Interactions! (that's me missing my chemistry, don't mind me)

I don't really know where I was going with that. I'd like to have a friend with whom I can talk for hours, drink coffee during the week, get pissed on Fridays, rollerblade on Saturdays, and eat eggs on Sundays. I want a friend that will give me hugs and won't freak out if I give him presents. The amount of output I want from a friend is equivalent to that of a boyfriend. But I don't want a boyfriend. I want to be able to do what I like to do and not be told the things I need to change all the time. And I don't want the emotional commitment and drama that the gf/bf relationships seem to entail. Maybe I need a gay friend. Holy crap, maybe I've caught the Gay myself!

Right, anyhu, I keep thinking I should get out and meet new people but I think fuck, what an effort.
That reminds me of something else. The word effort, someone wrote about it in their blog today and I remembered. I must have missed some English lesson because my definition of the word effort seems to be different to everyone else. There was a German class I was at, and in that class no words were allowed to be translated into English. Every new word had to be explained in German. So we come across this word for effort. And the teacher starts explaining it with "it's a good thing that you do when you want to achieve something". And I'm like "Woman, are you on crack? Effort is something you want to avoid. If something requires effort, then it's not worth doing". There we have it then, the definition of the word effort with Lana filter placed on it.

If you enjoy doing it, it can't possibly be effort. Even if it's hard, it's not effort. One of my mottos is "If the effort exceeds the reward, then it's not worth doing". And it's nothing to do with being lazy, I don't think. Take school for example, I fucking love doing the assignments and various tasks they set for us. I get nothing for it but the mark they give me afterwards. But in that instance the reward exceeds effort. Effort = bad. If it's fun, it's not effort. Remember that kids next time you moan about how something was effortless. Challenging is not the same as effort.

Why am I still going on about this? I don't even know.
Oh wait, I remember, my point was I want new friends but it's too much effort to go out and find them. Someone said you've gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince, and I said "But what if prince doesn't spawn in this area?" and I like my pond, I'm not moving from it yet. Think I'll just chuck all the frogs outside and enjoy the calm waters all by myself for a while.

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